Teens of the Caribbean: Two Girls and Insanity
by Lady-Valiant
Summary: When my best friend and I enter the POTC world, chaos ensures. Our quirky personalities might just drive Jack and Will over the edge...
1. Into Pirate Land and the Eunuch Detector

Chapter 1: Into Pirateland and the Eunuch Detector

Two girls, one with short brown hair with blond streaks and the other with brown hair and red highlights, giggled excitedly. "I love this movie!" Tiffany giggled.

Her friend, Marisa, nodded. "I know! Push play, push play!"

There was a bright silver light from the T.V. screen when suddenly Marisa and Tiffany were staring at a blacksmith's shop. "You seem somewhat familiar. Have I threatened you before?"

"Hm. Have I heard that somewhere before?" Marisa asked.

"Huh. I dunno," Tiffany said.

"Hmmm…no, I have. I know it."

"You know, I think I have, too, but where?"

"A book? No, maybe a movie?"

Suddenly, a man fell over Marisa's foot. "Hey! Watch where you're going!"

"You cheated! Oh...um, sorry?"

Marisa squealed. "Oh my God! It's Will Turner!"

"Wait, that _is _Will!" Tiffany said. "But that means…JACK!!!!!"

"My name is not Jack! It's-"

"Captain! Jack! Sparrow!" the girls yelled together.

"Uh…yes. Mate, is this the best you could do?" Jack asked Will.

"No! I've no idea who these girls are!"

"Rii-ight!" Marisa said. "You know you love me!"

"What? No, I don't! I don't even know you!"

"Can I call you Willykins?"

"What? Of course not!"

Suddenly, there was a loud banging at the door. "Run, Jack, run!" Tiffany yelled. "That's Norrington's men!"

"Wait, how did you know that?" Will asked.

Marisa rolled her eyes. "Move away," Jack said.

"No! I cannot just step aside and let you escape!" Will said.

"No! Go, Jackie! Run, Forrest, run!" Tiffany yelled.

"Who's Forrest?" Will asked.

"Jackie?!?!?" Jack groaned.

Then, Jack slumped over unconscious Mr. Brown knocked him out with a bottle of alcohol. Suddenly, Norrington's men rammed through the door. "There he is! Over here!" a soldier yelled.

"Jack!" Tiffany wailed.

"Shut-up!" Marisa said. "We can't attract any attention!"

"Who are you?" Norrington asked, looking at Will, who shrugged.

Marisa grinned. "I am…M-"

"Wait!" Tiffany whispered. "We can be called whatever we want here!" Boldly, she added, "I am Lady Rose Nicole Garrison of Hotness!"

"Oh," said Marisa, "And I am Queen Fabulousfantasticwonderfulamazingness, but you can call me Abigail."

"What country are you queen of?" Norrington asked.

"Tennessee," Marisa said.

"I've never heard of this…Tennessee."

Marisa giggled. "Few have."

"Well," Norrington said, "I trust we will always remember this day as the day Captain Jack Sparrow almost escaped."

"JACK!" Tiffany wailed.

"O, Jack, O Jack, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east and Jack is the sun-" Marisa, who shall now be called Abigail, yelled as Tiffany (Rose) interrupted her making fun of Shakespeare by pummeling her to the ground.

"Ow! Get off! It's true."

Norrington looked at Will and said, "I thought even you could do better than them."

"I don't even _know _them!"

"It's alright, Willykins," Abigail said. "Oh, oh, can I call you Willy Wonka?"

"What? No, why?"

"It suits you!"

Rose wailed, "Come back, Jackie!"

Norrington stifled a laugh as his men took Jack away. "Ladies, do you have somewhere to stay for the night?"

"Yes, we're staying with Will!" Abigail said.

"No, you aren't!"

"Can we, Mr. Brown?" Rose asked.

"Uh….? Sure."

"Yes!" Abigail and Rose said, high fiving each other.

"NO!" Will screamed.

ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK

"WILLY WONKA!" Abigail screamed.

Will jumped as Rose threw a bucket of water over his head. "What- what happened?"

"Oh, you just got knocked unconscious, Willy Boy," Abigail said winking.

"My name is NOT Willy Boy!" Will yelled. "It's Will Turner! I have to rescue Elizabeth!"

"Okie-dokie! Lead the way, Willy Wonka!"

"It's _Turner_- Will Turner!"

Abigail and Rose giggled as they followed 'Willy Wonka'. "They've taken her! They've taken Elizabeth!" Will yelled as he approached Norrington.

Before Norrington could say anything, Tiffany said, "Well, duh! Are you both idiots?"

"Um…I knew that," Norrington said in surprise.

"We have to hunt them down! We have to save her!"

Abigail gasped. "OMG! It's improper grammar to end a sentence with a preposition!"

"Omg?" Will asked. "What does that mean?"

"What ridiculous clothes are you wearing?" Elizabeth's father asked.

"This is It's Happy Bunny!" Abigail said, indicating to her tee shirt. "Eat right. Exercise hard. Die anyway."

"We must save Elizabeth!" Will persisted.

"Yes, Romeo, we must!" Abigail said.

Will angrily buried his hatchet in the table. "We must save-"

"Elizabeth!" Abigail and Rose chorused together.

"Mr. Turner , you are not a military man, you are not a sailor. You are a blacksmith and this is _not_ the moment for rash actions. Do not make the mistake of thinking you are the only man here who cares for Elizabeth," Norrington said.

"Ooohh, Burn!" Abigail said.

As they walked away, Rose clenched Abigail's arm. "We must go see Jackie!"

"Yah! Come on, Willy Nilly!" Abigail said. "Let's go see Captain Jack Sparrow!"

"We're here," Will said, "And my name is NOT Willy Nilly, Willy Wonka, Willykins, or-or-"

"Don't forget Will Turner," Rose chimed in.

"Or Will Turner- wait, no! That is my name!"

"No, it isn't," Abigail said.

"Yes, it is!"

"No, it isn't!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"DoyouloveElizabethmorethanme?"

"No!"

"Yes, Willy-iams is mine!"

"No, wait, what did you say?" Will asked.

Abigail and Rose grinned. "JACKIE!" Rose screamed.

"My name is Cap-"

"Captain Jack Sparrow!" Rose yelled. "I have your autograph and movies and posters and notebooks, and you're like so HOT! I love you, and you don't know it, but we're going to get married!"

Captain Jack Sparrow leaned his head to one side and said, "Whoa, mate, where are you hiding that rum?"

"The _Black Pearl_," Will said, "Where does it make berth?"

"Where does it make berth?" Abigail gasped. "Haven't you heard the stories? Captain Barbossa and his crew of miscreants sail from the dreaded Isla de Muerta . It's an island that cannot be found except by those who already know where it is."

"I couldn't have said it better myself," Jack said.

"Then, the ship is real. Therefore, it's anchorage must be, too."

"DUH!" Rose said. Looking at Abigail, she added, "Is personality really IS cardboard."

"But he's sooooo hot!"

"Uh…no, it's actually a little cold in here," Will said.

Rose shook her head. "You could do soooo much better."

"But he's hot!"

"Jack is hotter!"

"Is not!"

"Is, too!"

When they finally finished arguing over the two guys' hotness, Jack was saying, "What's your name?"

"Will Turner."

"No, it isn't!" Abigail screamed. "It's Willy Wonka Cutesykins!"

Jack nodded slowly. "Mate, who are these two?"

"I don't know."

"Oh, I'm Queen Amzaingwonderfuleccentricgoddesstobeworshipped, but you can call me Abigail."

"Oh, I want to try that! I am Irish Pirate Queen Imbringingsexyback of the Land of Hotness, but you can call me Rose."

Jack nodded slowly. "Will-that be short for-"

"William!" Rose said. "Beep, beep, BEEP, BEEEEEP!"

Abigail giggled, while Jack and Will looked utterly confused. Rose leaned close to Jack, where only he could hear and said, "It's a eunuch indicator."

Jack stifled a laugh. Will began to use his 'leverage' to open the door. Every time he moved, Rose went, "BEEP! BEEEP! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!"

Jack laughed, staggering from the cell and grabbing his sword and hat. "BEEP!" Rose yelled as Will moved.

"STOP THAT INFERNAL BEEPING!" Will screamed.

"Oh my gosh, my baby can use three syllable words!" Abigail screamed, hugging Will's waist.

"Let. Go. Of. Me. NOW!"

"Come on, someone will have heard that," Rose said.

ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK

"We're going to steal a ship? That ship?" Will asked, looking at _Dauntless_.

"Commandeer. We're going to commandeer that ship. Nautical term. One question about your business, boy, or there's no use going. This girl- how far are you willing to go to save her?"  
"I'd die for her!"

Abigail giggled. "Willy-illy-Billy is soooo heroic!"

"BEEP! BEEEP!" Rose said.

"Why do you keep beeping!?!?!" Will screamed.

Everyone turned and looked at them. "Ah, no worries, mate," Jack said.

Now came the infamous Will and Jack under the water under the boat. "Ah! Tiffy, water is leaking in!"

"Ah! My name is not Tiffy! You will refer to me as the Irish Pirate Queen!"

"I don't think we're doing it….blu!"

"Right," Abigail finished, coming in Will and Jack's boat. Rose appeared from beside her. "Hi, guys!"

"Guys?" Will asked.

"Yeah," Rose said. "Well, at least Jack who is very, very, very HOT!"

The two girls, a frustrated Will, and a rum-seeking Jack boarded the ship. "Everybody stay calm. We're taking over the ship!" Jack said.

"Aye! Avast!" Will cried.

The people on the ship burst out laughing while Abigail and Rose laughed until their sides hurt. Jack just looked uncertain. "This ship cannot be crewed by two men!"

"Hey!" Rose protested. "No one talks to the hot Irish Pirate Queen that way!"

"You'll never make it out of the bay!"

Jack pointed his pistol at the crewman's face. "Son. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow."

"Oh, I love how he said that!" Rose giggled.

"On love's light wings did I o'perch these walls, For stony obstacles-"

As Rose pounded Abigail into the ship's deck, a crewman looked puzzled and said, "Is she quoting Shakespeare?"

"Here they come!" Rose yelled.

As Norrington's men boarded _Dauntless_, Jack, Will, and two girls screaming like Tarzan swung across to the _Interceptor_. "Thank you, Commodore for getting us ready to make way. We'd have had a hard time doing it ourselves!"

Jack spun the vessel around, ramming right through the boat Norrington's men were on. "Muhahahahahah!" Rose yelled.

"It's KARMA!" Abigail screamed.

"Karma?" Will asked.

"Oh, what now? You're mom!" Rose said.

Jack and Will were talking as Rose and Abigail lay on deck suntanning. Suddenly, Rose jumped up with her camera phone, snapping as many pictures of Jack as she could. "Hot, hot, hot, sooooo HOT!"

"When I was a lad living in England , my mother raised me by herself. After she died, I came out here, looking for my father," Will said.

"Is that so?" Jack asked.

"My father, Will Turner . At the jail, it was only after you learned my name that you agreed to help. Since that's what I wanted, I didn't press the matter. I'm not a simpleton, Jack. You knew my father."  
"Yes, you are!" Rose said. "You're very simple; you're like cardboard."

"Shut-up!" Abigail said. "I like this part. Will's dad has a funny name."

Will looked at her strangely. "Jack?"

"I knew him. Probably one the few who knew him as William Turner. Everyone else just called him Bootstrap or Bootstrap Bill."

"Bootstrap?" Will asked.

Abigail laughed loudly. "Come on. Could you have a worse name than Bootstrap?"

"Good man. Good pirate. I swear you look just like him."

Will drew his sword. "My father was not a pirate!"

"Don't threaten my JACKIE!" Rose screamed.

"Put it away, son. It's not worth you getting beat again."

"You didn't beat me! You didn't follow the rules of engagement. In a fair fight, I would've killed you!"

"Well, guess what Will No-brains? Pirates don't fight fair!" Rose said.

"Leave my Willi-nillie alone!" Abigail yelled.

The two girls ducked and continued their playful arguing, but Will was knocked out over the sea. "Oh, I love his part!" Rose squealed, trying to figure out how to record video with her camera phone.

"Now, as long as you're just hanging there, pay attention. The only rules that really matter are these what a man _can_ do and what a man _can't_ do. For instance, you can accept that your father was a pirate and a good man or you can't. But pirate is in your blood, boy, so you'll have to square with that someday. Now, me, for example, I can let you drown but I cant bring this ship into Tortuga all by me onesy, savvy? And I don't want to be alone with them. So?"

Jack swung the sail over and handed Will his sword. "Can you sail under the command of a pirate, or can you not?"

"Tortuga?"

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!"

"Will someone tell me why she keeps beeping!?!?!?!"

"Nope," said Rose.

"Uh-uh. You're cute when you're confused."

"Jack!" Will whined.

"Nay, mate," the pirate said. "Beeepp…."


	2. He's Bringing Sexy Back!

**Disclaimer: Yes, I remembered. I almost forgot. Now, if I invented POTC, I'd be male and rich, so I wouldn't have to stoop so low as to making fun of it, now would I? Anyway, I hope this makes you laugh.**

**A special thanks to the REAL Tiffany who wrote out the rest of the Pirate Song (I just wanted to do one verse, but nooo...) Enjoy!**

Abigail and Rose giggled like little children as they walked in the tavern in Tortuga. "It's just like in the movie!" Abigail whispered.

"Yeah," Rose said. "Remember the creepy woman that was hitting on Will?"

"Hey! He's MINE!" Abigail screamed.

The woman (who had way too much mascara on) turned and rolled her eyes. Abigail dashed forward. "Willy-kins!"

"My name is NOT Wily-kins!"

Jack and Gibbs looked up from their conversation. Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "Who is that?"

Jack shrugged. "No idea, but you understand what I'm saying, savvy?"

Meanwhile, Rose continued exploring the tavern when she came to a group of pirates, singing in out of tune voices and sloshing wine out of their mugs. "Yo, ho, ho, and a bottle of rum!"

"You call that music?" Rose asked.

"Yar, lassie, I does."

Rose shook her head. "Let me show you how it's done."

Rose climbed on a table and screamed, "Hey!"

Several pirates in the tavern turned to look at her. Clearing her throat, Rose grined and said, "I'm going to sing a song dedicated to Captain Jack Sparrow."

Captain Jack Sparrow, at the moment, looked as if he's rather jump of a ship and be eaten by sharks than hear what was coming next. "Mate, I'm gonna need some rum," he muttered to Gibbs.

Rose smiled again and sang.

"I'm bringing sexy back- yeah!  
Them other **pirates** don't know how to act  
I think you're **sexy**, what's behind your back?  
So turn around and I'll pick up the slack.

Take 'em to the bridge

Dirty **Jack**

You see the shackles  
**Pirate this is it****  
****I'll let you kiss me **

**Before you go**

Take 'em to the chorus

Come here **pirate**

Go ahead, be gone with it  
Come to the back  
Go ahead, be gone with it  
VIP  
Go ahead, be gone with it  
Drinks on me  
Go ahead, be gone with it  
Let me see what you're working with  
Go ahead, be gone with it  
Look at those **swords**

Go ahead, be gone with it  
You make me **nervous ****  
**Go ahead, be gone with it  
Go ahead **Jackie**

Go ahead, be gone with it  
And get your sexy on  
Go ahead, be gone with it

Get your sexy on  
Go ahead, be gone with it  
Get your sexy on."

"Whoo!" Abigail screamed, joining in on the chorus.

"I'm bringing sexy back!"

The girls paused as several pirates screamed, "YEAH!"

"Them other **pirates** don't know how to act  
Come let me make up for the things you lack  
'Cause you're burning up I gotta get it fast

Take 'em to the bridge

I'm bringing sexy back- YEAH!  
Your **pirate lovers** watch how I attack  
If that's your **Jack** you better watch your back  
Cause **he'll** burn it up for me and that's a fact

Take 'em to the chorus!"

Rose bowed elaborately to the cheering crowd. "I love you, Tortuga!"

Rum slopped on the stage as pirates jumped around, and Rose began an encore. Abigail glanced back at Jack who watching wide-eyed. "Where'd she get _that _rum from?"

Gibbs shook his head, simply staring as Rose repeated another chorus. "What. Was. That!?" Will asked.

"Oh, that was her interpretation of Justin Timberlake," Abigail replied.

The girl shuffled through her purse. "Oh, hold this a sec."

Abigail dumped out her purse's contents in Will's hands, looking for her mp3 player. "What is this?" he asked.

"My camera phone."

"And this?"

"That's my money. Oh, here it is."

Abigail crammed everything back into her purse and clicked her mp3 player before handing Will the headphones. "Put these to your ears."

Will obliged curiously before shoving the headphones back with an appalled look. "You actually like this? How can he say that in public?"

"Hm…I don't know. Hey, Rose, you were great!"

Rose grinned. "Thanks. Are we ready to go?"

Gibbs looked at Jack who shrugged. "More crew, I guess."

"Yah!" Abigail yelled. "I get to stay with Willy-nily!"

"No!" Will whined.

"BEEP!" the girls chorused.

"Why are you beeping again?" Will yelled.

"Don't worry, Willy Wonka, it's no big deal!"

"My name is Will Turner! It's not Willy Wonka, or Willy-nilly, or-"

Jack placed a hand on his shoulder. "Mate, just stop it. We've all got somethin' that annoys us. For me, it's not havin' rum. This is just yours."

Rose grinned. "He's bringing sexy back!"

A loud echo of 'yeah' was heard as the five of them left the tavern.

**Okay- shorter than my last one, not the best thing you've ever read, but I hope it makes you laugh. Thanks for my first reveiw! Happy New Year, and be sure to reveiw!**


	3. Will, Watch Your Language

**Disclaimer: I have never, do not, and probably will never own POTC. 'My' characters are the crazy ones, but Will's kind of becoming crazy, too, so... ANYWAY- I want to thank all of my reveiwers. I seriously doubted anyone would like this. This might not be my best chapter, but hang in there; the next one hsould be good. **

Abigail, Rose, Will, Jack, and Gibbs stood before a line of pirates. "Feast your eyes, Captain. All of them, faithful men before the mast, each worth his salt. And crazy to boot!"

"But not as crazy as us!" Rose chimed in.

"Speak for yourself. I'm perfectly sane!" Abigail said.

Rose's eyes widened, Will looked as if he were about to throw-up, and Jack was too busy looking over the crew to notice.

FLASHBACK

"WHY?!?!" Abigail screamed, clenching her D+ math test.

The girl dropped to her knees on the floor of their high school auditorium. "Why? Why me? KARMA, WHY HAVE YOU BETRAYED ME?" Abigail screamed. "Whhy?! I hate the Renaissance! What was wrong with those Muslim scientists? Curse you algebra!"

END OF FLASHBACK

"No,"

"This is your able-bodied crew?" Will asked uncertainly.

"Hey, where's Chuck Norris then?" Abigail asked.

"Who?" Will asked.

"Chuck Norris, the world's strongest guy. He isn't the hottest guy, though. Do you know who _that _is, Willy-kins?" Abigail asked, batting her eyelids.

"I don't think I want to know," Will muttered.

Everyone turned their attention to Jack, who'd just finished with speaking with Mr. Cotton's parrot. Next he turned to another pirate, and Abigail's eyes became as wide as cupcakes. _Uh oh…_she thought. _This is where Jack gets slapped by Anamaria!_

"Anamaria," Jack said.

Anamaria slapped him across the face, and Rose screamed. "You get away from my Jackie you…

"CENSORED!" Abigail screamed.

"You need to go and take your-"

"CENSORED!"

"-and stick it up your-"

"CENSORED!"

Abigail clamped her hand over Rose's mouth. "Shut-up! I hate having to scream 'censored' every time your mouth opens!"

"Sorry," Rose muttered, muffled by Abigail's hand.

Rose grabbed Jack's hand and said, "My Jackie-kins! Take Will instead!"

"Hey! Stay away from my fiancé!"

"WHAT!?!" Will screamed. "I am NOT marrying you! You're mad!"

"Which is exactly why I'm coming on this voyage, sweetheart. I bet you'd look good in blue."

Will's eyes rolled back in his head and he fainted- right there in front of everyone. "Oh, I already picked out the flowers! I got on the internet on my cell phone and ordered them!"

"You don't want to marry him," Rose said.

Will gasped as Jack grabbed a pail, filled it with water, and dumped it over his head. "That was cold!"

"Why don't I want to marry him?" Abigail asked in confusion.

"Beepp…" Rose said grinning.

"STOP BEEPING AT ME!" Will screamed, jumping to his feet.

The girls burst out laughing. "What is it?" Will asked helplessly. "This isn't funny! Be quiet, you-"

Rose stared open mouthed, and Abigail reached to cover her friend's ears. "Willy-kins! Don't use such foul language!"

"Aye, watch yer mouth, boy. That talk isn't meant to be heard by young lasses," Jack said.

"B-but they started it! You're a pirate! Don't tell me you never curse!"

"Not in public, lad!" Jack said.

The pirate glanced around at the line of bewildered pirates and said, "Well, go, go. Why're we waitin' here?"

ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK

Abigail wrapped a rope around herself, her hair blowing in her face while Rose's flew in her mouth, preventing her from talking save for a few mumbled words before she had to spit it out of her mouth (Will personally wished that Abigail's hair were longer, so she wouldn't be able to talk, either). "How can we sail to an island nobody can find with a compass that doesn't point north?" Will yelled over the storm.

"What, Willy-kins? Do you need me?"

"NO!" he screamed.

Gibbs chuckled. "Lovers' quarrels," he said.

"What? She is NOT my lover!"

"What, Willy? I love you, too!"

"Now," Gibbs said. "We aren't trying to find north, are we?"

Looking up to Jack, Gibbs said, "We should drop canvas, sir!"

"She can hold a bit longer."

"What's put you in such a good mood, Captain?"

"Abigail falling into the ocean and drowning would put me in a good mood," Will muttered darkly.

"I heard my name! I love you, too, Will!"

"We're catching up," Jack said grinning.

"Yah!" Rose yelled. She paused, angrily holding her hair against the side of her head. "Then, Jackie and I can be together forever!"

"And me and Willy-kins!"

"Why me?" Will muttered.

"Oh no! My baby-waby is going emo!"

"I am NOT- whatever you just said," Will said.

ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK

Will glanced at Jack. "How did Jack come by that compass?" he asked.

"Why, dearest willy-kins, not much is known of Jack Sparrow before he arrived in Tortuga, sweetie."

"Aye, that was before I met him when he was captain of the _Black Pearl_," Gibbs added.

"He failed to mention that," Will said suspiciously.

"Hey! That. Is. Jack's. Personal. Life! Keep your nose in your own business!" Rose yelled.

"Hey, leave my Willy-baby alone!" Abigail yelled back.

"I am NOT your baby!" Will said in disgust. "I'm almost old enough to be your father!"

"At least I don't have to beep when Jack moves!" Rose yelled. "BEEEEEEPPP!"

"Why is she beeping at me?" Will screamed.

"Uh…aye, Jack told me to tell ye…"

Will's eyes widened as Gibbs explained all about the eunuch detector to him. "Wha-WHAT! I am NOT!" Will screamed. "JACK! You knew about this!?!"

Jack shrugged. "They're girls. I guess they'd know more than I would…"

"What? Why didn't you TELL me? These two are MAD!"

"Look who's talking!" Rose yelled.

"Hey, sea turtles!" Jack said, leaning over the ship to avoid a tube of mascara aimed at Abigail's head that missed.

"Make-up fight!" Rose screamed. "Get Will!"

"CHARGE!" Abigail screamed.

Will screamed ( a noise sounding remarkably like a girl…) and ran with two girls carrying purses and armed with their assortment of make-up. Jack watched, taking a swig of rum. "Good kids. Lots of energy," Jack said. "I like 'em."

**PREVIEW**

**"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Rose screamed. "My Motorolla!"**

**The girl's eyes blazed with fury. "Run, Willy-kins, run!" Abigail screamed.**

**"Uh...why?"**

**"Because she's about to kill anything in sight."**

**I love you all! Please review, and thanks to those who have!**


	4. Curse the Frenchies

**Disclaimer: Just in case you've missed the last few chapters, I don't own POTC and probably never will. This is a short chapter, but the next one should be really long since Rose and Abigail are in different places. Enjoy!**

He's ovr there!

Behind the rum?

Y.

The text messages went back and forth as the girls moved closer. Rose turned on her mp3 player and rose quietly from behind a barrel of rum with Jaws theme music playing. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, dum! "Attack!" Rose yelled.

Will yelped as the two teenaged girls attacked him with eye shadow and lipstick. "Uh…we're here," Jack said coming below decks.

"Okay!" the girls chorused.

Will emerged, covered in bright Hollywood lipstick and six different metallic eye shadows. Jack paused, taking in Will's appearance and said, "Mate, that's not your color."

"Good! I don't want it to be my color!"

Rose flipped her mp3 player to sad violin music and pouted. "Well, are you two coming ashore?" Jack asked.

"Aye!" Abigail yelled.

"Good! Mate, wash ter face 'n we'll be on our way!"

ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK

"Oooooh! Sparkly!" Abigail said, looking at the treasure.  
"Eh! There's a skull!"

"No honor amongst thieves, huh?" Will asked.

Jack laughed.

"You know, for having such a bleak outlook on pirates you're well on your way to becoming one. Sprung a man from jail, commandeered a ship of the Fleet, sailed with a buccaneer crew out of Tortuga, and you're completely obsessed with treasure."

"It's sparkly!" Abigail said.

"I am not obsessed with treasure," Will said.

"Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate."

"Gentlemen, our time has come!"

"Elizabeth!" Will gasped.

The group ran behind a pile of treasure to watch the pirates and Elizabeth. Will ran up, knocking a golden goblet at Abigail's feet. "Ooh…are these real rubies?"

The girl sheepishly stuffed the goblet in her purse. "Not yet," Jack growled. "Wait, lad."

Suddenly, Will grabbed an oar and knocked Jack out. "Sorry, Jack, I'm not going to be your leverage."

"JACKIE!!!!" Rose screamed. "How dare you hurt my Jackie!"

"Shut-up! We're gonna get caught!" Abigail said.

Abigail followed Will to the pile of treasure while Rose stayed with Jack. _Poor Jack, _Abigail thought.

Elizabeth gasped and followed them around the treasure.

Meanwhile, a pirate approached Jack. "You! You're supposed to be dead!"

"Am I not?" Jack asked. "Oh!"

The pirates pointed pistols at them, and Rose pulled out her camera phone to take pictures. Someone's pistol went off and Rose dropped to her knees screaming a scream that could be heard miles around. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

On the _Interceptor_

Abigail, Will, and Elizabeth jumped as a scream filled the air. "What in bloody-" Gibbs began.

"CENSORED!" Abigail and Will screamed hastily.

"-was THAT?"

"It sounded like Rose screaming. Only one thing would make her scream that loud- breaking her phone."

On the _Dauntless_

Governor Swann covered his ears. "Ah! What is that ghastly wailing?"

"A siren, perhaps?" a soldier suggested.

"It sounds more like someone being eaten alive by sharks!" another said.

In England

Queen Elizabeth paused, looking up at the sky. "What was that?"

Ten minutes later- "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Wow," a pirate said, "She can hold a scream for a long time!"

"You will die for that!" Rose screamed. "That was new! KARMA, WHY HAVE YOU BETRAYED ME!?!? I ALWAYS ate MY spinach!"

The girl silenced as the pirates gathered around with more pistols. "I can wait."

"Um… Palulay?palu-li-la-la-lulu, parlili parsnip, pasley, par - partner, partner?"

"Parley?" Rose asked.

"Aw, yes, that's the one! Parley! Parley!"

"Down to the depths whatever man thought up parley," a pirate muttered.

"That would be the French," Jack said.

"Yeah! Blame the Frenchies! They were one of the cause of World War II- their Treaty of Versailles."

"Aye! Curse the Frenchies!" another pirate said. "Take 'em to Barbossa!"

"Eh…you need a Tic-tac," Rose said as they were led away.

Two pirates looked at each other. One said, "Mate, what's World War II?"

**I hope this silly little passage made you laugh. Hey, we're almost done! That's okay...I've got two more movies to go.**

PREVEIW

"You know, Ellizabeth, Will likes girls that play hard to get."

"Really?" Elizabeth asked.

Abigail nodded sagely. "Oh, yes, I suggest you 'ignore' him for a few days. It'll really turn him on."


	5. High Seas Musical

**Disclaimer: I do not own POTC, not do I own the poor artists I chose to parody in this section, which I can do beause of some sort of Parody Law...and hte first Ammendment. Thanks!**

Aboard the _Interceptor_, Gibbs said, "Hey, boy, where's Jack?"

"He fell behind," Will muttered.

"I'll go with Elizabeth," Abigail said. "Wh ydon't you talk to him, Will?"

Will nodded as Abigail went below decks with Elizabeth. "How do you know Will?" Elizabeth asked.

"Ssshh! You love him, right?"

Elizabeth appeared startled for a moment. Then, she slowly nodded. "Why?"

"You know, Ellizabeth, Will likes girls that play hard to get."

"Really?" Elizabeth asked.

Abigail nodded sagely. "Oh, yes, I suggest you 'ignore' him for a few days. It'll really turn him on. He asked me to marry him when I ignored him, but I said, "No, Willykins, you love Elizabeth! He likes being called 'Willy Wonka' and 'Willy-kins', too."

"Seriously?"

"Yes, do it, and I promise Will will notice you."

Will came below decks. "Elizabeth!"

Elizabeth crossed her arms. "We were just talking, Willykins."

Will's eyes widened, and Abigail whipped out her camera phone. "I'm getting gold!"

"Wh-what?" Will asked.

Elizabeth winked to Abigail and strode above decks.

ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK

"How the blazes did you get off that island?" Barbossa asked.

"He's Captain Jack Sparrow! He can do anything, and he's the reason…"

"For what?" Barbossa asked.

Jack's eyes widened as a spotlight randomly appeared. "How did you-"

Rose began to sing in a horrible voice that would've made glass burst into pieces.

Jack looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see  
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be  
I know I'm beautiful, I want to be the girl he talks about  
And he's everything that I can't live without

Jack talks to me, I laugh cause it's so funny  
That I can't even torture Will when he's with me  
He knows he's so in love, he's finally got it right,  
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my Hello Kitty guitar  
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a sparkly star  
He's the song in the ship I keep fight for, don't know why I do

Jack walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?  
Lucky Elizabeth and her corset laced so tightly  
The kind of thing I wish would happen to me  
I'd would hold him tight, give him all my love  
Look in those beautiful eyes and know he's lucky cause

He's the reason for the teardrops on my Hello Kitty guitar  
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star  
He's the song in the ship I keep fight for, don't know why I do

So I walk home alone, without a car in sight, as I turn out the light  
I'll put his picture down and maybe  
Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my Hello Kitty guitar  
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart  
He's the song in the ship I keep fighting for, don't know why I do  
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough  
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Jack looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.

"That was…interesting," Barbossa said, nervously uncovering his bleeding ears.

"It's Taylor Swift," Rose replied. "I can sing it again-"

"NO!" Jack and Barbossa yelled.

"The girl's blood didn't work, did it?" Jack asked.

"You know whose blood we need," Barbosa said.

"I know whose blood you need."

ILOOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK

"Who trades a man's life for a ship?" Elizabeth asked.

"Pirate," Will said.

"I wasn't asking you! I was asking Abigail, Wily Wonka!"

Abigail nodded. "Perfect."

"I get the feeling I'm missing something," Will said.

The girls shook their heads. "Nothing, Will, dearest, but Elizabeth and I wrote a song for you."

"Y-you did?" Will asked. "I suddenly feel really scared.

Abigail cleared her throat and grinned as she and Elizabeth began to sing (suddenly, Rose seemed like she could be an angel):

Right now you're probably thinking about a bleach blond sea goddess,  
and she's probably getting frisky...  
right now, you'll probably buying her some fruity little coconut milk cause she can't shoot rum...

Right now, you're probably up behind her with some lacy lingerie, asking her to put them on...EUNUCH!

And you don't know...

That I dug my key into the side of your pretty little souped up 4 sail drive,  
carved my name into your leather boots...  
I took a big cutlass to both the masts,  
slashed a hole in all 4 sails...

Maybe next time you'll think before you cheats.

Right now, she's probably up singing some  
white-trash version of Rose's famous Pirate Song..  
Right now, she's probably saying "More rum; I'm drunk"  
and you're thinking that you're gonna get lucky,  
Right now, you're probably dabbing on 3 dollars worth on some generic Dollar Tree off brand...

That I dug my key into the side of your pretty little souped up 4 sail drive,  
carved my name into your leather boots...  
I took a big cutlass to both the masts,  
slashed a hole in all 4 sails...  
And you don't know...

Maybe next time you'll think before you cheats.

I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl,  
Cause the next time that you cheats...

Oh, you know it won't be on me!

No...not on me  
'Cause I dug my key into the side of your pretty little souped up 4 sail drive,  
carved my name into your leather boots...  
I took a big cutlass to both the masts,  
slashed a hole in all 4 sails...

Maybe next time you'll think before he cheats.

Oh.. Maybe next time you'll think before he cheats...

Ohh... before you cheats...

ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK

Somewhere in Nashville, Tennessee, a blond woman gasped, and clenched her chest as she sat upright in bed. "My song!" she wailed. "What happened to my song!?! I'm calling my lawyer for copyright infringement!"

And still, another girl, about seventeen, screamed as she woke with a start. "What's wrong, Taylor honey?" her mother asked.

"Ow…my ears! I heard this insane wailing, but I think it was my song…something about a corset."

"Hush, honey. It's just a bad dream."

Taylor Swift nodded, nervously glancing over her shoulder.

**Kay, I hope you liked it. To all my reveiwers, I love you soooo much! To those who've sat through this and NOT reveiwed, revwie again. Reveiws make me happy. And when I'm HAPPY I dont beat people up.**

**PREVEIW**

"Blacksmith hands. I know they're rough."

Elizabeth ignored him, and Abigail threw Will a pink bottle. "What is this?"

"Lotion- for your rough hands. It's lavender- perfect for eunuchs."

"But I'm-"

"WHAT!" Elizabeth yelled. "And you never told me?"

"Elizabeth, wait!"

Elizabeth punched him in the face and walked above decks.


	6. Come to the Dark Side!

**Disclaimer: Don't own POTC, Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, or Barney. Muhahahahah! And I'm running out of disclaimer puns...**

"Hands aloft to loose t'gallants! With this wind at her stern, she'll carry every sail we've got!" Gibbs yelled as the crew rushed along the deck.

"Willy-kins, what's wrong?" Elizabeth asked, dashing above deck with Abigail at her heels.

"The _Black Pearl_. She's gaining on us!" Anamaria yelled.

"Willy-kins! Protect me!" Abigail yelled, throwing her arms around Will's waist.

Will attempted to back away from the crazed teenager but tripped over his own feet.

"This is the fastest ship in the Caribbean!" Elizabeth protested.

"Yeah? Tell them that when they catch us!"

"Will-ykins!" Abigail cried. "Save me!"

The crew rushed around, loading cannons, and creating general chaos as the _Black Pearl _came closer and closer.

ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK

Rose and Jack sat below decks in a cell. Rose sighed. "I'd love to be doing something completely time wasting right now."

"Like what, mate?" Jack asked.

"Like…texting or surfing the web or…reading fanfiction."

"Fanfiction?" Jack asked.

Rose nodded. "Yeah. It's where people write stories about famous stories or movies- like you."

"Me?"

Rose nodded. "Yeah…let me think. I think Abigail has a few fanfictions. She got some decent reviews…let me think…Hermione W. Cullen, Justanothercrazywriter, LPR, TheAbsoluteBestFangirlEver, POTCWright, the-american-hockey-girl…Lynxshade, hmsprincess…Mia Arabella Malfoy, revenge is fun…Captain Angelique Jones.."

"What kind of names are those?" Jack asked. "And there are…pirates?"

"They aren't real names. They're fake names, so you can be called whatever you want. They aren't real pirates, but I think she had some reviews from grecianpirate. She flaunted this in my face for hours…"

Rose jumped as cannon blew through the ship. "Hey! Stop blowing holes in my ship!" Jack yelled.

Rose touched the cell door, and it fell to the ground with a loud bang! "Oh.." Jack said.

ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK

"The medallion!" Elizabeth gasped.

Will rushed below decks to look for it. Abigail yelled as a mast fell, and she ducked, just barely avoiding it whacking her on the head. "Hey! Hey! Below!" Will yelled.

"Hi, Willy-kins," Abigail said sweetly.

"What? Wait, how'd you get down here?"

Abigail giggled insanely. "I looove you!"

Will backed against a wall nervously. "Wait. What's that in your hand?"

Abigail hiccupped. "It's some sort of drink; tastes like coconut."

"It's rum!" Will yelled.

"Oh, hee-hee! I looove you bunches! I love you, you love me. You're a happy groom-to-be. With a great big hug and a kiss form me to yoooou! Won't you say you love me, toooo?"

Will screamed, covering his ears. "Elllizabetttthhh!"

ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK

Jack and Rose swung over, and Jack attempted to help Elizabeth. "Wretch!" she yelled.

"Ah….where's dear William?" he asked.

Elizabeth looked wildly around before seeing Will underneath the grate. "Will!"

"Elizabeth!"

"Rose!"

"Abigail!"

"Monkey!" Jack yelled.

"I can't move it!" Elizabeth cried, as a pirate dragged her away. "Will!"

"Abigail!" Rose screamed.

"Elizabeth!"

"Rose!"

"Why, thank you, Jack," Barbossa said as the monkey handed him the medallion.

"You're welcome," Jack replied.

"No, we named the monkey Jack," Barbossa explained.

ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK

"Abigail!" Will yelled. "We have to get out of here! How did you get in?"

Abigail laughed. "The door. Haven't you noticed the room isn't filling up with water anymore?"

"…oh…"

ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK

The _Interceptor _blew to bits. "Will!" Elizabeth screamed.

"Abigail!"

"She goes free!" Will said, leaping onto the deck with Rose, who corrected him.

"_They _go free!"

"What's in your head, boy?" Barbossa asked. "Girl?"

"She goes free."

"You've got one shot, and we can't die."

"Don't do anything STUPID!" Abigail, Jack, and rose yelled.

"No, but I can."

"Who is this?" Barbossa asked.

"No one. He's no one, a distant aunt's nephew twice removed. Eunuch.."

"BEEEEEEEP!"

"Stop that! I am NOT!" Will yelled.

"That's not what the girls think…" Jack pointed out.

"My name is Will Turner. My father was Bootstrap Bill. His blood runs in my veins."

"Will," Rose whispered. "Be careful with these negotiations. Make usre oyu specify where and when-"

"Yar lass, what's your name?" Barbossa interrupted, seeing the danger ahead.

"I am the High and Mighty Supreme Pirate Queen of the Mississippi River Lady of Hotness! My friends call me Rose."

"Well, your…Hotness, come to the dark side!"

"Never! And you are NOT my father!"

The pirates looked at each other in confusion, and Abigail laughed. "Oh, I get it, Star Wars! Luke, I am your father!" Abigail said in a deep Vader voice.

"Er…no, I'm not your father. Come over to the dark side!"

"Neeever!"

"We have cookies."

"Okay!" Rose yelled. "I'm joining the dark side!"

Duh, duh, duh, dum! Everyone looked around for the dramatic background music. "Oh, sorry. My cell phone," Abigail said. "Um…yes. No, I don't want to buy whatever you're selling!"

**Thanks to all my reveiwers! I thought I'd dedicate a chapter to you wonderful guys!**

PREVEIW

"These are great cookies!" Abigail said. "Want a chocolate chip, Willy-kins?"

"No, I want out of this cell with you!"

Abigail laughed. "Say...did you know ship captains can perform marriage ceremonies?"

"NO!" Will said, his eyes widening.

"Lass, why would you want to marry a eunuch?" a pirate asked.

"YEAH!" Will said. "Wait. I am NOT a...eunuch. I just realized something. I have no idea what a eunuch is."


	7. Party like a Pirate

**Disclaimer: Don't own POTC or Nickelback, whose song 'Rockstar' is about to be ruined thanks to my dear friend, Lady Hotness. Enjoy!**

Jack, Elizabeth, and Rose danced about on their little island, drinking rum. "Yo ho, yo ho!" Elizabeth cried.

Rose giggled insanely. "That song is soooo unoriginal and overdone. Here; I've got a real song for ye!"

Rose jumped on top of a giant rock and sang:

I'm through with standing in line  
To ships we'll never get in  
It's like the bottom of the sea

And I'm never gonna win  
This life hasn't turned out  
Quite the way I want it to be

I want a brand new ship  
On an episode of pirates

And a brig I can play baseball in  
And a king size tub big enough  
For rum plus me

I'll need rum bottles that's got no limit  
And a big black boat with Jack in it  
Gonna join the Pirates Fan club  
At thirty-seven thousand feet below

I want a new crew full of spirit

My own cabin boy from Tortuga  
Somewhere between Will Turner and  
Jack Sparrow is fine for me

I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame  
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

'Cause we all just wanna be famous pirates

And live in a big ship with over fifteen crew

The girls come easy and the rum come cheap  
We'll all stay fat 'cause we just eat too much  
And we'll hang out in the drunkest taverns

by the pirates

Every good gold raiders

Gonna wind up there  
Every pirate  
With his rum and ship  
Hey hey I wanna be a pirate

Hey hey I wanna be a pirate

I wanna eat like Jack without any forks

Hire eight cabinboys that love to serve me rum

Sign on a couple crew

So I can work them like dogs

I think I'm gonna dress my…uh…CENSORED!  
With the dirtest clothes  
Get a key to an empty safe

so I can store all my

stolen goods

I'm gonna trade this life  
For fortune and fame  
I'd even cut my hair  
And change my name

'Cause we all just  
Wanna be famous pirates

And live in big ships

with over fifteen crew

The girls come easy and  
The rum come cheap  
We'll all stay fat

'Cause we just eat too much  
And we'll hang out in the drunkest traverns  
In the area with the pirates  
Every good gold raider's

Gonna wind up there  
Even pirates

With their rum

And we'll hide out in the back

With the fresh rum and

Today's who's who  
They'll get you anything  
With that evil smile  
Everybody's got a  
rum dealer on speed dial  
Hey hey I wanna be a pirate  
Hey hey I wanna be a pirate

I'm gonna sing those songs  
That offend the redcoats

Gonna drink my rum

From a bottle

When they ask why I drink all day  
I'll say because I can

I'll get washed-up pirates trying to steal my ship

stalk us every night so I can't do nuthin wrong  
Then listen to the crew tell me how hot 'n good I am

I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame  
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

'Cause we all just wanna be famous pirates

And live in big ships with over fifteen crew  
The girls come easy and the rum come cheap  
We'll all stay fat 'cause we just eat too much  
And we'll hang out in the drunken taverns

In the area with the pirates  
Every good gold raider's gonna wind up there  
Every pirate with their ship

And we'll hide out in the back

With the fresh rum and today's who's who  
They'll get you anything with that evil smile  
Everybody's got a rum dealer on speed dial  
Hey hey I wanna be a pirate  
Hey hey I wanna be a pirate

ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK

"These are great cookies!" Abigail said. "Want a chocolate chip, Willy-kins?"

"No, I want out of this cell with you!"

Abigail laughed. "Say...did you know ship captains can perform marriage ceremonies?"

"NO!" Will said, his eyes widening.

"Lass, why would you want to marry a eunuch?" a pirate asked.

"YEAH!" Will said. "Wait. I am NOT a...eunuch. I just realized something. I have no idea what a eunuch is."

"It means…" Abigail said, looking at the pirates. "It means…Will, darling, that you are…lacking in certain areas."

"Lacking? In what areas?"

"Personal areas," Abigail said awkwardly.

"Personal?" Will asked. "My private life? There's nothing wrong with my life!"

"Sooo….you knew Bootstrap Bill!" Abigail said to the pirate.

The pirate nodded. "Aye. I knew him."

"Yep!" Abigail said. "Barbossa tied a cannon to Bootstrap's bootstraps, and then, Bootstrap and his bootstraps sank to the bottom of the sea."

Will was silent a moment before gasping. The poor, poor lad had finally realized what Abigail meant by 'lacking in personal areas'. "I am NOT a eunuch!" Will yelled.

"It's all right, dear one," Abigail cooed.

Will screamed and began beating his head against the cell door. The two pirates outside the cell looked at each other and said, "She's worse than Barbossa."

"Hey, want a cookie?" Abigail asked the pirates.

One of the pirates perked up. "Do you have peanut butter?"

"Oh, yeah. Here."

ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK

Abigail woke up and puked. Brr….sh.. A big dramatic voice says, 'We interrupt this program to tell you that driving, flying, and/or sailing while under the influence ILLEGAL and DANGEROUS! We now return you to your scheduled fanfiction.'

Abigail looked around warily. "…is that the Force speaking?"

"Why is the rum always gone?" Jack wailed.

Abigail jumped up to see the palm trees on fire. "Ah! Fire! Run, Forrest, run! There's fire! Jackie, put it out!"

**Hope you enjoyed! I'm looking for more opportunities for puns...I HAVE to add Leia's, 'I love you'. and Solo's 'I know.' because that line is sooooo HAWT! Happy 2008!**

Preveiw

"You've been planning this form the beginning ever since you heard my name!"

"Duh!" Rose said. "Well, I TRIED to tell you to watch the negotitations!"

"You betrayed me for a plate of cookies!"

Rose pouted. "But it was chocolate chip with the little sprinkles..."


	8. The Final Copyright Infringement

**Disclaimer: Don't own...takes breath...POTC, Carrie Underwood, Dollar Tree, Taylor Swift, Harry Potter, Nickelback, Barney, Hannah Montana, George Lucas, Forrest Gump, Xena: Warrior Princess or anyone else I've made fun of and forgotten to mention...**

"But we've got to save Will!" Elizabeth said to Governor Swann.

"No, you're safe. We will go to Port Royal-"

"WAAAAAAAAAAH!" Abigail cried. "Willy-kins!"

"Oh dear…um…girl, don't cry. It's just that-"

"As a wedding present!" Elizabeth said desperately. "To me, Commodore."

"Elizabeth, does this mean you're accepting the Commodore's proposal?" Governor Swann asked.

"Then, I get Willy-kins! Yes!"

"Oh, a wedding? Two weddings?" Jack said. "I love weddings! Drinks all around!"

"Oh! Jack, will you be Will's first man? Rose can be my bridesmaid!"

"Mr. Sparrow , you will accompany these fine men to the helm and provide us with the bearing to Isla de Muerta . You will then spend the rest of the voyage contemplating all possible meanings of the phrase 'silent as the grave'. Do I make myself clear?" Norrington asked.

"You're mean!" Abigail said. "AVADA KEDRAVA!"

Everyone blinked at the girl as if she'd grown another head. "Is…is that Latin?" Norrington asked.

"No! It's Harry Potter!"

Out of her purse, Abigail drew a replica Harry Potter wand! Duh, duh, duh, dum! Abigail paused. "I really need to change my ringtone."

ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK

Jack, Norrington, and a crying Abigail (Norrington had taken her wand after she stabbed him in the eye by accident) entered a tiny boat. "I don't care for the situation much," Norrington commented. "We could be ambushed."

"Not if you're the one doing the ambushing. I go in, I convince Barbossa to send his men out with their little boats. You and your mates return to the _Dauntless_ and blast the bejesus outta them with your little cannons, eh?" Jack asked. "What do you have to lose?"

"I'm coming, too! I have to save Rose!"

"Rose?" Norington asked. "Your friend…Lady Hotness? She betrayed you for a plate of cookies!"

"They were CHOCOLATE! Do you not know anything about teenagers?"

"Oh..well…"

"Now," Jack said. "There is the issue of Mrs. Commodore's safety."

ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK

The pirates marched Will out, and Rose skipped beside him, humming happily. "So…slitting his throat is kind of yucky, isn't it?" she asked the pirate next to her.

"Um..I guess."

"Beg your pardon," Jack said as he and Abigail moved through the crowd.

"Jack!" Will cried.

"Abigail!"

"It's not possible!" Barbossa said.

"Not probable," Abigail said.

"Aye!" Jack said.

"Where's Elizabeth?" Will asked.

"Oh, she's safe as I promised. She's going to marry Norrington as she promised. You're going to die for her just like you promised. Abigail drove you insane just like she promised, and Rose gets to be the bridesmaid to your wedding…assuming you survive, just like Abigail promised her in third grade. So…we're all men of our word, except for Elizabeth and them, who are, in fact, women."

Jack paused and took a deep breath. "Okay."

"Shut-up, you two are next!"

"Okay…your funeral…"

"Oh, oh, oh, take that!" Abigail said.

"Just hear me out, mate. You order your men to row out to the _Dauntless_. They do what they do best. Robert's your Uncle, Fannie's your Aunt, there you are with two ships. The makings of your very own fleet. Course you'll take the grandest as your flagship, and who's to argue? But what of the _Pearl_ ? Name me Captain, I'll sail under your colors, I'll give you ten percent of me plunder and you get to introduce yourself as Commodore Barbossa. Savvy?" Jack asked.

"And I suppose in return you don't want me to kill the whelps?"

"Oh no, by all means kill the whelps…okay, maybe not the girls. They're kind of funny."

"Okay," Barbossa said. "The girls can stay."

"Yes!" the girls said, high fiving. "No killing here tonight, no killing here tonight-"

"No killing here to night; you're on a diet!" Abigail said. "Oh, and Will, if you see a dark tunnel with a light at the end…stay AWAY from the light!"

"You've been planning this form the beginning ever since you heard my name!"

"Duh!" Rose said. "Well, I TRIED to tell you to watch the negotitations!"

"You betrayed me for a plate of cookies!"

Rose pouted. "But it was chocolate chip with the little sprinkles..."

Abigail looked back and forth between her future groom and her best friend. "Gents, take a walk!" Barbossa said evilly.

"Hey! Be nice, Willy-kins!" Abigail said. "Everybody makes mistakes... Everybody has those days... 1 2 3 4! Everybody makes mistakes... Everybody has those days... Everybody knows what what I'm talkin' 'bout... Everybody gets that way."

Poor Will was forced to listen to three more songs by teen pop singing sensation Hannah Montana being sung by teen pop singing horror Abby Kentucky. _At least they aren't crazy pirate parodies_, Will thought.

Abigail laughed. "Dear, Willy-kins, we're waiting until the very end for that…"

"Well, Jack, I thought I had ye all figured out," Barbossa said.

"Me? I'm dishonest. And a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly… stupid."

Jack kicked a pile of treasure, knocking swords into the waiting hands of Rose, Abigail, and Will before he began to fight Barbossa. "For my cell phone!!!"

"For Elizabeth!"

"For rum!"

"For Chex Mix!"

"Jack, I love you!"

Everyone paused abruptly and looked at Jack who nodded sagely and said, "I know."

"Wait a minute!"

Abigail began to Google search with her cell phone. "Hey! You stole that from George Lucas!"

"So…you stole from…Harry Potter!"

"You stole from Justin Timberlake!"

"You stole from Carrie Underwood!"

"You stole from Taylor Swift!"

"Help!"

"Will, stop screaming like a little girl! So what if you just got stabbed!" Rose yelled.

"Ah! Will!" Rose screamed, ramming into a pirate. "Stay away from my fiancé!"

"I'm not your fiancé!"

"Help Will save Jack!" Abigail yelled.

Suddenly, a pistol shot was heard, and the girls knew, from watching the movie hundreds of times, that the curse was lifted. It was over.

ILOVEJACKILOVEJACKILOVEJACK

Jack stood with the noose around his neck as an official read: "Jack Sparrow-"

"CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW!" Rose, Abigail, and Jack said.

"-for your willful commission of crimes against the crown. Said crimes being numerous in quantity and sinister in nature, the most egregious of these to be cited herewith: piracy, smuggling-"

"What kind of word is 'herewith'?" Abigail whispered.

"-impersonating an officer of the Spanish Royal Navy, impersonating a cleric of the Church of England-"

"What kind of question is that?"

"Come on, no one says 'herewith'!"

"He just did!"

"-sailing under false colors, arson, kidnapping, looting, poaching, brigandage, pilfering, depravity, depredation, and general lawlessness. And for these crimes you have been sentenced to be, on this day, hung by the neck until dead. May God have mercy on your soul."

"Get out of the way!" Will ran forward, throwing his sword under Jack's feet.

Abigail leapt up and cut him free, and she, Rose, Will, and Jack ran to the top of the tower where they were cornered by Norrington's men. "I expected something like this from the girls," Norrington said.

Rose yelled, "Lalolololo!"

"Huh?" everyone asked.

"Wait...oh, I get it."

A parrot flew overhead, and Jack said, "You shall always remember this as the day you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow!"

He jumped, and Rose leapt onto the ledge. "You will always remember this as the day you almost caught the Queen Hotness, Xena, Warrior Princess!"

Abigail leaned over the ledge as Rose disappeared beneath the waves. Everyone looked at her expectantly. "What? I'm not jumping in there! I might catch hypothermia! I'm the smart one!"

**I hope you had fun reading this. I had fun writing it, and I enjoyed your reveiws, but, before I click the 'complete' button, I must give you a preveiw of the sequal- two more movies to go!**

Teens of the Caribbean: Sparkly Sequined Chest

Rose and Abigail never worried about how to get home- until now. Now, the only way out is to complete the Pirates quest and discover the Sprakly Sequined Chest. Questions will finally be answered: does Happy Bunny really exist? Will Will go insane? How many copyrights can I violate? Find out in the next chapter of the epic legacy of Teens of the Caribbean: Coming soon to a computer near you.


End file.
